Are you currently fantasizing about how wonderful it would be if you could actually get married again? And give being a full-time house-wife (or is it home-maker they call it these days?) ago? I mean, who wouldn’t want to wonder around the house all day, barking orders at the domestics before popping to the gym, then to the hairdressers? Only one has to be home early to make sure the cook prepares hubby’s favourite – not what took his (the cook I mean) fancy! On the way home, you could pop into a super-mall, or even a boutique and buy some delicacies and one or two pieces of jewellery. Agreed there are no social events to get dressed up for these days, Pro-COVID-19 days will soon return!
Okay, it’s all a joke, I know being a house-wife these days is not what it’s cracked up to be. I know it’s hard, so much so that a lot of women believe it should be given a monetary value. Like a good ‘homemaker’, a friend of mine puts it, “If a man didn’t have a handy wife to care for his children, do his laundry, cook his meals, clean his house and have sex with him, he’d have to pay someone else to do it”.
If we were to be really frank though, even well-paid women with stressful jobs, earning almost as much as hubby, if not more, would admit they’d love to just give it all up and he supported by someone else. “It has to do with the failure of the women’s liberation movement,’ continued my home-maker friend. “A lot of today’s women had seen their own mothers, products of feminism, trying to have it all – home, children, job – and instead just ending up doing it all! In other words, the women’s movement had been a waste of time; that women didn’t actually want careers at all – just to be well looked after by their hubbies. Instead, the man seems to have it all, and all because women are being wives to two people – their partners and themselves”.
But, this is the 21st century for goodness sake! The women are virtually standing on their heads. The eye-popping gears they adorn at parties – pre-COVID-19 period, accessorized by exquisite jewellery, which prices could float a bank, would make the average man balk at having one of them as a wife! Those women should keep such a less privileged man as house-houses if they are not so selfish. “What’s so selfish about that?” Jakky, my super modern ‘housewife’ friend wanted to know”. “You remember Ekoh, my milliner classmate, who got married to a man way below her level because she wanted children by a fairly younger man?
“After over 10 years of marriage, the husband now believes he’s the breadwinner, barking orders all the time and ‘putting my foot down’ every time Ekoh raised objections to the way he was frittering away her hard-earned cash. To add insult to injury, she was on her way to the car park recently when she saw her one-in-town car crawling through the traffic. Fuming that her husband had taken it in spite of her objection, she marched towards the car only to find her husband in the passenger seat – the car was being driven by a total stranger and ‘L’ plates were on the car!
“Not surprisingly, Ekoh flipped. She waved the car down and the husband had a sullen look on his face. She ignored him. ‘Hello,’ she said to this female driver, gritting her teeth, “what are you doing driving my car? The girl looked embarrassed. As Ekoh continued to grill her, she noticed hubby had scampered out of the car, nowhere to be found. She would have handed the girl over to the police for stealing her car and used her influence to make sure she was locked up for days, but what good would that do?”
I’m still in this marriage – could-be-fun mood in spite of the negative opinions of friends. It would be nice, for a start, to sleep in as long as you want instead of getting up at the crack of dawn to prepare breakfast for the family then squeeze into your power suit and stilettos that torture, and dash into work. Now, the perks of a good office atmosphere springs to mind; all those nattily dresses men, married for single, winking seductively at you – not to mention the bold ones who wouldn’t mind dragging you to bed if you gave the nod. Does it matter, all they have to offer may be a cozy lunch or a riotous one at a ‘point-and-kill’ pepper soup shack!?
A stress-free, stay-at-home life might seem attractive, but a lot of women would climb the wall if they couldn’t work. Imagine preparing hubby’s nosh only for him to come in really late, scowling defensively as he tells you he’s had a hearty lunch at the office’s board ‘meeting’ or that he wasn’t plain hungry? Has he been to his mistress again? you wonder. A few weeks ago, Jakky, my quasi-house wife bosom friend, was feeling good about the presents hubby brought back for her from his last trip that she personally prepared the banga soup and starch he always favoured. When he didn’t come home at bed-time, Jakky left a note that his meal was in the microwave. She was too tired to wait up for him, so she hit the sack.
“I didn’t know when he finally showed up,” said Jakky, “but come the next day, he thanked me for taking such pains to prepare his favourite meal, which he took so much delight in eating. I was pleased as punch. I went to let in the cook so he could wash up only to find all the plates clean. I peeped into the bin expecting to find pieces of bone from the soup only to find it empty. I became slightly suspicious. My husband told me he emptied the bin because he didn’t want rats running all over the house. All this he did in the dead of the night!?
“On my way back to work, I wanted the night-guard to give some shoes to a cobbler when I saw him polishing off what looked like my banga soup with his wife. ‘Oga gave you that?’ I asked. ‘Yes, madam’, he answered happily, ‘my wife don wash plate, give am back’. I was livid. All he could have done was put my food back in the fridge instead of giving such delicacy to a toothy Mallam in an effort to give the impression he’d scoffed the lot!”
Maybe professional women should stick to their power-suits after all! Married or single, both have their advantages and disadvantages.